28 November 2014


I'm a perfectionist, in all things, which can be terrifying because as a flawed human being, perfection is impossible to attain.
  Motherhood has been the saving of me, the universe laughed when it sent me four children. Every day I am forced to release my perceived notions of how things should be. I am constantly learning to appreciate the process instead of the end result. After all, its the grubby handprint on my sheet as I lay down to sleep, a lego man left attacking a dinosaur under the dining table or a puzzle half made upside down, back to front on my sons bed that will warm my soul when I'm old, not a tidy kitchen and empty laundry basket. I feel blessed to know this, I will not regret this time devoted to my children.

As we made this mandala today, I felt myself becoming stressed over flowers moving out of place, I started fixing and adjusting, they couldn't believe it when I told them to blow it all away. I explained that nothing is permanent except for the love you have for yourself and your loved ones, that it is important not to hold onto anything, or to place value on material possessions because that will always lead to a dissatisfied heart. I was talking to myself as much as them. The happiness I felt in watching them destroy it far surpassed anything else that day.

I feel I have come a long way over the last 8 years, breathing deep, letting go, but there is still much work to be done, and these beautiful souls continue to show me see the beauty of a life with no fear but wild abandon.

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